POETRY IN PREDICAMENT

“In my eyes you’ll see a storm that’s brewing and I am on the midst of it. In my heart there’s a battle and I am determined to fight. I’ll stop caring whether you are or you are not willing to risk time and wait… I won’t hesitate even as I’m not sure if I’d find you at the end of the line. There are people and things worth fighting up for until the end. How would you know if it’s all worth it?… You just know.”

I am taking my time… trying to forget all my fears. I am walking patiently, quietly… looking carefully at everything that come across, feeling every heartbeat…feeling you. I am hoping that maybe while I am being consumed by this phase, you’d understand without me saying a word. Because I am tired of talking, tired of thinking, tired of explaining… If you will brave to know, you simply have to place your whole self on this because I already did and I don’t care if I get lost. I had reached the brink and I already jumped. If you will brave to know, you simply have to take a step. No questions asked. No fears attached.

9:00 PM

I’m feeling some chill. I think am gonna be sick. I feel like my head’s gonna explode… ang dami pa naman deadlines, deliveries, mga kausap… I am so tired but there is no way to give up. My brother Mike and I talked while eating pancit canton that he also prepared for me. I realized his importance in my life, I really thank God for him, atleast that made me feel I am not alone. Someone texted me this afternoon, I’m glad he took the time to say hello. But then again I’m still fixing, I cannot drag him with my troubles because he is important to me… Perhaps I got tired of talking and explaining how irreasonable and unfair things are going with me, it’s why I made a very short response.

Please God, I can’t be sick… I could die but not get sick.,sigh…

I found this girl GUILTY of stealing my phone every now and then. She had taken too many shots on too many days and moments I barely noticed until I found my gallery full of her… well, i must say PRETTY PICS! Get well Gaiza Marie Kyla De Guzman Malate…whoa what a pretty long name! At may kakuntsaba pa! Ang kanyang BFF na si Joevel!

Someday, someone will come and take the time to know me.

He’ll walk patiently behind me and watch my every move.

He’ll run if I run and he’ll never get exhausted.

He’ll stand and wait at the gate and he’ll never care about the heat that will sure burn his skin, he’ll never care about the cold rain that will cause him to chill.

My world will differ from him but he’ll take the time to understand.

He’ll throw his self along my current and will brave all that he would come across.

He’ll be with me until the river becomes serene and he’ll make the silence bearable.

He will come to give his life despite my imperfection.

He’ll offer a love that is selfless, unconditional…

And he’ll insist even if I refuse.

He’ll keep on walking into my life no matter how many times I try to push him away.

And I’ll learn… I’ll learn from all that he is.

I’ll take his hand and I’ll never let go.

And I’ll be all that his kind of love deserves.

I no longer know the person I am staring at.

I want to forget her, everything about her.

I want to loose sight on her and gaze somewhere else –

Somewhere… where there are mistakes that can be committed,

And where there is forgiveness.

I want to loose my way towards her and go some place far away –

Away from her fears and the perfection that she imposes.

I want to break from her embrace…

For in her arms there is much suffering because she never forgets, she never forgives.

I see her everyday trying to justify her worth.

I know she’d make it well in life,

But I can tell that she’s barely surviving but not living.

In a crowd she may look just the same, just as fine.

She talks and smiles and able to convince.

But why in my eyes all I see was her pretensions?

I don’t think she really blends… she’s lost in the crowd.

I hear her laughter; it’s just an echo of someone else’s.

Her love, shallow.

I want to loose my way if it only leads to her.

I wanna be where there is enough sun to cast her shadows away.

I wanna run, I wanna hide.

I wanna kneel, I wanna cry.

I wanna say a prayer for God to heal the person I see-

As I stand in the mirror.