POETRY IN PREDICAMENT

“It’s better to see a glass breaks.”

I’ve never broken a glass for years, maybe because I don’t stay much in the kitchen or sink. It’s fascinating how the usual, the mundane could catch and freeze our moments. And so I broke a glass this afternoon. It fell right before my eyes and it’s amazing how the whole thing got trapped in time, falling so slowly from its normal state to being shattered, so slowly like I could still do something to save it from falling,.. but it was meant to crash, no way I can make a single change to stop it from happening and the next was sweeping and cleaning the mess.

Have you ever come to consider the people around you as if they were a glass? Or your relationships were as fragile? How do you deal?

If you saw it falling right in front of you, so slow, trapped in time, sure you’d do everything to save it from falling. You’ll never loose hope. You’ll never think it was meant to happen. When it finally hit the pavement and crash, you won’t turn to simply sweeping and cleaning the mess, much to move on. It’s better to see a glass breaks,.. bet you’d all agree.

“If I had to do it over again, will I change a thing?

I don’t want this night to turn out just like any other nights; don’t wanna wake up the next day feeling empty. Perhaps what I’ve been showing or saying was only a part of a thick covering that’s hiding the real person in me. I am a very sensitive, vulnerable person playing insensitive and strong who always gets lost in between her own thoughts but pretending to have a strong point of direction. So I get hopeless most of the time that someone could handle me or even thought of wanting to handle me. It’s so easy to get confused by our own endeavor because we know exactly what we wanted and which way to go but we often take the other route, too restless to wait so as not to feel deprived in taking our chances.Or maybe it’s just me; maybe I wasn’t smart enough in choosing the kind of chance that’s right for me. Earlier today my mom and I talked about “if I had to do it over again, will we change a thing or do something else than what we’ve done”? She mainly talked about if only she weren’t deprived of studying way back, then she could have studied and aimed for a high degree. I talked about being more outgoing and dynamic, and that if I could do it all again I could have gotten a degree in Law or Medicine, something that would put my never-ending reason in a proper place like being in a court defending my case, something that would teach me to have focus like being inside the operating room dealing with only two things, LIFE or DEATH, something our limited finances wasn’t able to provide back then much more my pea-sized brain could ever dig he-he but anyway were talking about the impossible “doing-it-over-again” so were allowed to let all our imaginations fly. But at the back of our heads we all know that there is never a chance we can do things over again so we will all just strive no matter what it takes to make our lives better. No one is too ready or wise before his/her time. We’ll know when it’s half past late and what’s left are the lessons we must pick and carry with us, and that lesson if truly learned will eventually turn out to wisdom.

I don’t want this night to turn out just like any other nights – because I still keep a spark of hope…

and maybe or I must say definitely I am far more fortunate than any other souls tonight who’s left with very little options in life. God I was so wrong for feeling empty.

It’s not about geography, or happenstance
you need to fly, & take a chance
You don’t need to soar to emptiness
Float on high & forever dance alone
Your scared, scared, scared
Coz I feel like home
Hear your voice, I knew right away
If you were here your eyes would say
There is blood on my feet as I walk away
Rivers are red It’s starting to rain
I’m not gonna live for you or die for you
Won’t do anything anymore for you
Coz you leave me here on the other side
You leave me here on the other side
Not gonna shed one more tear for you
shed one more tear for you
I’m not gonna shed one more tear for you
At least not til Sunday Afternoon
Sunday Afternoon
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